I don't really know what to write about today. All I know is that I have the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach, I feel that something is missing. When that feeling hits, I know I should be writing. Yes, for some reason, this feels right.
Yet, I don't know what to tell you. The year is the same as it was a week ago. The only difference is that kairos begins on Tuesday...and I am left with this uncomfortable feeling. For some reason, I can't bring myself to blame this feeling on the fast-approaching retreat. I can't see how anticipation of the event would make me feel empty. Perhaps because it is the signal of the end, a milestone that acknowledges moving on? No, of that I am unafraid. Something else is keeping me up at night.
Have you ever felt that there was something you needed to do, to say, or to obtain, yet you couldn't imagine what it was? It's a nagging feeling, this urge to do some abstract action.
And this is where I stop making sense. I have to say this is happening more and more in my life. I'm losing the ability to communicate how I feel to others altogether. I never excelled at expression by word of mouth, but usually I could find my voice through the written word.
Now, both are lost. I don't even know what I am feeling, other than confusion.
I keep thinking that tomorrow will be the day that I figure out all of this. Tomorrow I will make sense of this tangled mess.
But then again, what is today but yesterday's tomorrow?
Senseless and dramatic, I know. But for now, It's all I've got,
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